WHY IS IT...(part 1)

Why is it that human beings are soooo complicated? YES...both men and women!!! Why is that that you don't know what you've got until it's gone? Why is that you have the perfect thing in front of you but it's not what you want, then when you want it, you look for it in all the wrong places/people? Well let's go back to the beginning (10 years ago)...there he was standing in front of me with his big green eyes, this is the guys of my dreams. The one I had been running into from time to time. The one that somehow someway I was never able to hook up with. First he got my number & we spoke a few times but then I didn't hear from him again till 7 months later. Once again he asked me for my number but this time he didn't call at all. Now, a year later, he is in front of me again. This time he says he doesn't want to let me go. We dance the night away and he gets my number one last time. From that day on we were inseparable. Day by day we grew closer and closer, he was perfect. Little did I know I was letting my self slip away. Soon before I realized
I had moved in with him. My family was totally against our relationship. Therefore I hardly spoke to them. At first, everything was perfect. We did almost everything together. He was completely dedicated to me, as was I to him. But sure enough after a few months he began showing his true colors. He was never home, we never did anything together. I felt all alone. My family was upset with me, I hardly spoke to any of my friends, I didn't have anyone to turn to. Anger and jealousy grew bigger and bigger inside of me. What was he doing? Where was he going everyday? Why couldn't he just take me sometimes? When I asked if I could go he'd say NO...you ain't got no business going where I'm going. Ugh...I was such a fool. I was only seventeen at the time. If I'd know then what I know now, none of that would have happened but then of course I would not have learned what I learned and I would not know what I know. Soon, a few months later, all the fights began. We would disrespect each other and start shows where ever we were. Then one day to my surprise I learned that I was pregnant. I was so scared. Didn't know what to do. A friend of mine ( from the few that I had left) told me to think about it. She said she would pay for my abortion, she didn't want me to screw my life up. But I was a fool, in love and totally against abortions. The next few months were a living nightmare. As if I had gotten pregnant all on my own. He would lock me in his house and he'd disappear. I would find girl's phone numbers on him and at times girls would even call our house. But mainly he pulled his disappearing acts on me. He thought it was a joke. He even called it the houdini. Every time I'd question him or go against what he said he would threaten me. "Don't make me pull a houdini on you". Yes, as funny as it sounds. I was fool though, I didn't know how to be or what to do. I basically became his little puppet. Did what he wanted as an obedient little girl. I was a bird locked in a cage. A month or so later, I kind of backed away. Didn't argue with him, didn't fight with him and truthfully, I hardly even spoke to him. I guess the silent treatment made him come to his senses. Towards the last month of my pregnancy he was more concerned, he was actually there. Then came my beautiful son. He was a premie baby. I guess all the stress made me spit him out a little earlier. We moved to a new home and decided to start over. Things were fine for a while, up until my son was 6 months old. Then came the worst part, he started smoking crack. As humiliating as it is to say this but he was hooked. I dealt with it for quite some time but it was a bigger hell. The biggest of them all. Day and night all I did was pray. I asked God to help me, to give me courage and to give me strength. Soon my prayers were answered and I left him. I went back to live with my family. Day by day, I started getting my life back. Without realizing it, the fool ceased to exist. That little obedient girl turned into a rebel. That moment the tables turned on him. I no longer gave a damn. He apologized and wanted to work things out but frankly, he was too late. Like R. Kelly says in one of his songs "When a woman's fed up, there ain't nothing you can do about it" and I was truly fed up. 2 months later, he got locked up. They gave him 7 years mandatory. And that was the end of us. Sometimes I think to myself, why did I have to meet him? Why did I go to that club that night? Why is it that things turned out the way that they did? Well, my answer for that is that everything happens for a reason. You might not realize it at first but soon enough you realize that every experience you go through, teaches you a valuable lesson. Like the saying, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger". What I learned out of this experience was to be a stronger person. After he went away, I became a party animal. I met so many people and made amends with a few old friends. I felt my life was falling back on track. I dated a few guys and decided to treat them the way that most men treat women. I basically became a cold hearted bitch. A smarter person. At least that's what I thought but the rest of the story will be continued on part 2.....